Just to Clarify

*If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're "exotic and different"

*Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, a quintessential American story

*If your name is Barack, you're a radical unpatriotic Muslim

*Name your kids Willow, Trig, and Track, you're a maverick

*Graduate from Harvard Law School and you're unstable

*Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.

*If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Heath and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.

*If your total experience is: beauty pageant queen, local weather girl, 4 years on a city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.

*If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.

*If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a real Christian.

*If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

*If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system, and your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're a very responsible parent.

*If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.

*If your husband is nicknamed "First Dude," who didn't register to vote until age 25 and was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, you're a true patriot.

OK, thanks, it's much clearer now.

Angryyy

So the Jonas Brothers came out with new performance dates yesterday - all in California of course. But anyway, I was going to get a few so me and my sister could go. Turns out, tickets were sold out within 8 minutes of them going on presale. Not even regular sale! You had to be in the friken fan club to get presale, and they were sold out in 8 minutes! I guess it's not their fault that Nick and Joe are so ridiculously good looking.

Oh, hey

Ok, so after reading Marc-Anthony's blog about the wonderful Palin, "Obiden," JONAS JONAS ticket in 2038, and "the color of your smile," I was inspired to start this blog. So, I guess you're supposed to tell like stupid stories and stuff like that in blogs, and since today was Applefest, I have a few.
So me and one of my best friends were bored last night, and we decided to bake an apple pie to enter in the apple pie baking contest for the old people. Needless to say, it didn't win today. It was however, selling for $4 a slice and was the first pie sold out. Suck on that old lady judge who doesn't like my wonderful apple crisp pie.
Oh, another thing, so today I was at a yard sale, cause they are the best place to find old jewelry and stuff like that, and this man turns around. I guess he thought that I was his wife/significant other, and yelled at me and my friend "YOUR WORDS MEAN NOTHING TO ME NOW, GET OUT, LEAVE, FIND YOUR OWN RIDE HOME." Me, being the intelligent, poised person I am, screamed and ran away.
I found the ribbon dancers today by the Warwick Assembly of God(the religion of the Jonas Brothers) riveting - and I'm actually serious. I stood there watching them for about half an hour, and watched it so many times, that I could probably perform a little bit of the impeccably choreographed dance number right now. Maybe I will.
So, now that I'm famous and am on Marc-Anthony's blog as the future VP of 2038, I would like to officially announce my campaign. My husband, Nick Jonas, and I will be running in 2038 on the JONAS JONAS ticket. And you are going to vote for me, whether you like it or not. Oh, and Joe Jonas and my sister, since they'll be married by then are going to be the face of our campaign. "JONAS JONAS, a family affair." Oh right, and I'm still going to have my alpaca, Swift Jonas by then, and hes going to become the new Uncle Sam - alpacas will be the new face of America. And yes, I will parade it around Washington DC every morning at 7:37am, just in case it has to tinkle.
"ASTOUNDING VP RIDES ALPACA 'SWIFT JONAS' IN MIDDLE OF BUSY INTERSECTION."
-Marc-Anthony

Cool, so basically I just made an entire blog post about apples, yard sales, ribbon dancing, the jonas brothers(of course), and ALPACAS.<3